Every waking day I’m trying to find my way. My life is full of pain, pain, pain.
No one understands me. So misunderstand. Characterized as mean, far from the truth, pain is a better classification. If you felt my pain, you wouldn’t be bubbly either. Hard for others to say. I’m judged by the exterior which thankfully remains intact, but the interior is weighing me down. Add life’s struggles to my internal pain. There may be a select few, those perhaps of a similar hue, who can empathize with my struggles but not my pain. I am a woman who feels so much pain.
But why not give up? Sometimes I ask myself, “Why me? Why me?” I ask my mom, “Why me?” Gloomy days and gloomy nights. My heart cries out for love, for a soft touch, for companionship, friendship, and happiness. What can I do to be happy? This is the question that remains to be answered. In the meantime, I put my fate in God’s hands. I have faith for this is why I still wake each day. I know that there are things that I can control. I am an advocate for myself…a fighter since birth. I came into this world ill but refuse to succumb to the prognosis—instead I made it my life mission to defeat the odds. Words have power to heal. Power of spoken word will guide me throughout my life as a chronic warrior.
This is how I will one day find my happiness. I have been blessed with the will to fight, the will to believe, and the desire to succeed. This is what keeps me going. I’m never complacent. Always striving to do better while realizing my human imperfections. My story, my life, my will to succeed will bring me happiness. Here is the bitter, the sweet, and the ugly.