My Being Mary Jane Moment

On my way to NYC for the evening.

It was a cold winter evening on Christmas Eve six years ago. My sister and I laid around the house and were bored. Debating on if we should go out, we decided, “Why not?” This was before Baby Aria, so I could always sleep in late. A luxury I haven’t had in 18 months. We decided to go for it and drove an hour to Manhattan to go to the Shadow Night Club. We walked in and there were beautiful specimens everywhere it seemed. We ventured over to the bar and decided to grab a cocktail and return to the dance floor. Reggae music spoke to our cores with the beat of the drums running through our blood. Our mother was Puerto Rican and Black and our father was from Belize. We grew up listening to the beats of island music.

We headed to the Reggae room where it was dark, warm, packed and full of life. Right outside of the entrance stood two beautiful chocolate brothers, Demba and Adam. Their smiles lit up the room. They approached us and introduced themselves and soon we were dancing the night away. When the club closed, we headed to our car. Both men walked us to the car and we exchanged numbers.

We were all giddy like teenagers and when we got in I received a call to make sure we arrived safely. Sounded like a keeper. It turns out Demba sold knock-off purses and other accessories in midtown. He had not gone to college, while that bothered him more than me. I learned long ago in order to find a compatible mate my standards had to be different if I wanted one whom I connected with culturally. Not to mention, there are people who aren’t college educated who aspire to be more and who are successful.

He worked a lot and lived with three roommates. We saw each other on occasion but not often, a movie or dinner here and there. One day we were on the phone and he said, “What do you want with me?” I responded, “What do you mean?” He then explained that he was not my equal. But, I wasn’t looking for my equal. I wanted a genuine companion. He couldn’t offer that because he thought of himself as less than me. I explained to him that there are people who may have degrees or seem put together who are not genuine. I agreed that it is important to have yourself together, so to speak, if you plan on embarking on a real relationship or tensions will arrive. But, it is also important to know what you want out of life and to not only think bigger but do bigger. This is where he fell short. We are friends today though and speak periodically.

Like Mary Jane, I am a successful career woman with a beautiful home and car, and the determination to succeed in life. Yet just like Mary  Jane, something is missing. I strive to have a meaningful relationship while embarking on my destiny which includes living in a warm climate. My dreams are big and my why is greater requiring me to leave my comfort zone.

“Someone once told me not to bite off more than I can chew. I told them I would rather choke on greatness than nibble on mediocrity.” Unknown

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